Goodnight, Dean Winchester
by Valvert
Summary: Dean is dreaming about hell again, and only Castiel can help.
1. Chapter 1

I Dream of Destiel

It was happening again.

Dean Winchester was having a nightmare.

As usual, the nightmare was about his time spent in Hell. The torture. The screaming. The pain, the blood, the way the hooks and knives ripped into his flesh, tore him to pieces, but somehow he was always put back together again-

This was the most vivid dream of all. He could _feel _his body being torn apart. He was crying out in his sleep, thrashing apart on the motel bed, tearing tiny holes in the sheets with his nails and hands. He was grabbing out for something, anything, to hold onto.

It had been two years and this happened nearly every night.

But it hadn't ever been this bad.

As usual, Sam Winchester was woken up by his brother's loud moans of terror. He didn't know what to do. In the past he'd woken Dean up, but Dean just got mad and said he was having a sex dream. But Sam knew different, because if it was one of those Dean would've gone into the bathroom for awhile and then returned and fallen back asleep. With these dreams, Dean spent the rest of the night awake staring blankly out the window with some sort of classic rock blasting loudly into his ears. Sam had tried to talk to him, but by that point Dean was dead to the world and Sam had nothing to do but go back to sleep.

He didn't want to wake Dean up tonight. Dean needed his sleep and besides, sometimes the dreams stopped and Dean would whimper quietly for awhile and then go back to sleeping peacefully.

It didn't seem as though that would happen tonight, so Sam did the only other thing he could think of- he pulled out his cell phone and dialed the angel Castiel.

Before Sam had even finished dialing however, the angel was there with the sound of wings flapping. He looked over at Dean, then back to Sam.

"What would you have me do?"

Sam shook his head a little at the serious way the angel spoke before pointing to Dean.

"I think he needs someone to hold on to. Someone he… Cares about."

Castiel tilted his head inquisitively. "Why would he need that?"

Sam sighed. Explaining things to the angel was frustrating, especially at a time like this when his brother was just a few feet away being tortured by his own mind.

"Well, for comfort. He's dreaming about Hell. He doesn't have anyone, Cas. You know that. He has me, but I'm his brother and he gets upset whenever I try to talk to him about it. But you seem to be able to sense his emotions pretty well, so I figured you could help."

Castiel nodded. "I could feel his pain from miles away. That is why I came here immediately."

He walked over to the bed and sat down, placing a hand on Dean's shoulder. Dean screamed louder and jerked himself away from Castiel's touch.

"As far as I know, he feels like he's experiencing Hell all over again. So when you touch him it's like he's being hurt."

Castiel looked up at Sam. "What should I do?"

Sam sighed again tiredly before walking over to the edge of the bed. He wordlessly removed Castiel's trenchcoat, shoes, and tie. After setting them down on a chair, he came back to the bed.

"Castiel, I need you to… hug my brother."

Tired as he was, Sam couldn't help but smirk as he said those words. Dean cried out again though, and he sobered.

He watched as Castiel looked down at his sleeping brother with a strange expression in his deep eyes. He smiled a bit as the angel laid down next to Dean and put an arm under his neck, and the other around his waist. Dean's screams turned to gasps, and then occasional whimpers before he completely relaxed. His eyes fluttered open for a moment but he felt somehow safe enough to fall back asleep. Closing his eyes again, he snuggled closer to Castiel's warmth and began snoring softly.

Sam looked at the angel with a shocked expression on his face. Was it really this easy? Why hadn't he called Castiel before?

"How did you do that?" he asked, awed.

Castiel didn't answer, however. He was too busy stroking Dean's damp hair softly and running a hand up and down his back. Sam stared at them intensely. Maybe it was the room's odd light, or maybe it was just because he was so damn tired. But the more he looked, the more he swore he could see the faint shape of Castiel's black wings enveloping his brother.

It seemed as though no matter what happened, Castiel would always be there to grip Dean tight and raise him from perdition. Literally.


	2. chapter 2

Castiel was gone before Dean and Sam woke up for the day.  
Dean rose off of his bed, groaning and stretching before falling back onto the rumpled sheets and rolling into the warmth that Castiel's body had left.  
"Dean."  
Dean turned over and stared at Sam.  
"Yeah?"  
"You know Castiel was here last night, don't you?"  
Of course Dean knew. There was no way he would've slept without the angel protecting him, but there was also no way he'd ever admit it.  
"No! What the hell was he doing here?"  
"Well, you were having one of your nightmares again, so I called him here to…"  
"That's enough, Sammy! I don't even HAVE nightmares!" Dean cut his brother off. He had a reputation to keep, even around his little brother. He knew that if he seemed weak, it might cause more damage to Sam than he already was trying to handle.  
"I couldn't just let you.."  
"Whatever! Don't do that again! I don't want to know WHAT that angel did to me while I was sleeping!"  
He hoped Sam wouldn't listen to him though, because that was the best sleep he'd 

had since he'd been to Hell.  
Sam was silent and they went about their day as usual. Sam researched, Dean went around questioning people.  
But that night, Dean had another nightmare. It wasn't unusual for them to happen this frequently, but as far as Sam could tell they were getting worse. He was about to dial Castiel again, despite Dean's requests. Just as he was about to push the call button however, the angel appeared in Deans's bed. Sam smiled as Cas pulled Dean close to his chest and murmured something in his ear. He watched as Dean settled down and relaxed. He went back to bed and slept for the whole night without further incidence.  
Dean woke up the next morning feeling well rested and he immediately knew that Castiel had been there again. The sheets began to smell like the angel, but Dean said nothing and so neither did Sam. Besides, the motel workers would wash the sheets while they were out, and Dean would return to find sheets smelling like the familiar cleaners they used in all the motels they'd ever been to.  
This happened for several nights in a row. Dean would have nightmares, and Castiel would come and cuddle him into submission. He began to be afraid of sleeping without Castiel next to him. It had gotten to the point where he didn't care anymore, and Castiel would sometimes be there before they'd even turned their lights off and gone to bed. Sam knew what was happening, so what was the difference? He just didn't have to act like he enjoyed it. It was hard however, because he'd become so accustomed to the angel's warmth that he would start shivering when he wasn't around.  
One late summer night, in a motel in Washington State, Castiel didn't show up.  
"Sammy?" Dean whispered, cold and afraid.  
"Sammy, call Cas."  
"Why don't you call him yourself?"  
"Oh, that sounds like a great idea. Just dial his cell phone and say 'hey Cas. I can't sleep because you're not here hugging me like I'm a damn teddy bear.'" He punched the wall after saying those words, embarrassed down to the very core of his being. The sleep was nice, though. This is all for the sleep. He convinced himself. It's not like I enjoy having Castiel in my bed with me or anything of the sort…  
Sam pulled out his phone, wondering why the angel hadn't showed up by now. Usually he was early, or he could sense Dean's need and appear at a decent time. He dialed Castiel and this time the phone rang several times before there was any answer.  
"I know why you're calling me, Sam. I regret to inform you that I cannot be around tonight for Dean. I have… Business to attend to. Very important business." And he hung up.

Sam repeated the message to Dean, who immediately got angry—a cover for his deep disappointment. Dean stood up wordlessly, slammed the door, and started the Impala. He wasn't even going to ATTEMPT to sleep tonight. It was better to stay awake than relive all the tortures of Hell over and over again.  
Castiel was out walking the streets of Seattle. Dean was in a small town called Sequim, where him and Sam were investigating the demonic haunting of an old schoolhouse from the 1800s. The angel figured he was far enough away from the two brothers. He didn't want to be in a different state, but he also didn't want to be near them at this time.

This isn't right, he thought to himself. He was convincing himself that what he was doing every night with Dean wasn't okay. Nothing sexual happened, but he was starting to become attached to the Hunter and it was clear that Dean was becoming just as attached to him. Castiel was meant to stay businesslike and unemotional, but Dean was making him feel emotions and that scared him. It made him doubt heaven, because what sort of God would let such a heroic man suffer this way physically and emotionally?  
That was one of the things that Castiel's mind couldn't handle, so he resolved himself to stay away from Dean for a little while. It bothered him somewhat knowing that Dean wouldn't be getting much sleep without him, but he'd survived for two years before they'd started spending nights together so he wasn't all too worried.  
Dean couldn't imagine sleeping without Castiel. He drove aimlessly, figuring that if he was gone Sam could get his sleep and he didn't have to suffer. It was a win-win situation.  
I wonder what's happening in Seattle , Dean thought to himself as he turned up the stereo. What the hell, I've got the whole damn night and there's nothing to do here. Might as well check things out.  
The drive to the ferry took him around 2 hours, and he got on the large boat and sat sullenly in a vinyl booth and stared out into the dark water. It didn't last long, because he was nervous and he began to pace, eventually going back down to the Impala to protect it. His cell phone rang and he picked up. It was Sam.  
"What do you want?"  
"Dean, where are you? You know you can't just leave like that-"  
"Look Sam, I need time to myself. I'm fine. I'll be back in the morning."  
And he hung up.  
Sam had no choice but to let Dean do what Dean would do. Knowing him, he was probably out to find Castiel, although Cas could hide and Dean had no idea where the angel was.  
Once off the ferry, Dean drove to a topless bar to watch some "exotic dancers" swing around a pole to the song "Cherry Pie" by Warrant. Boring. He'd seen it all before. He went into a room with one of them, had sex. Didn't relieve his tension at all. In fact, it made him feel worse. He drank a beer, ate a burger, threw it up.  
He was breaking and he knew it.


	3. Chapter 3

He was alone and he couldn't keep up his charade for much longer. He was going to crack, and soon. He could feel it just beneath the surface of his skin, twitching and writhing and making him shake-  
"Dean."  
Dean jumped and turned around to face Castiel.  
"What the hell are you doing here?"  
"Dean, I'm not supposed to be talking to you right now, but… I know you need my help."  
"Cas, I don't need anyone's help."  
He tried to get up and leave, but the angel touched his forehead with two fingers and transported Dean and himself to a motel room. It was the same motel that Sam was in, but the room was on a different floor.  
"What the hell?"  
But Dean was suddenly silenced as Castiel pushed him down onto one of the beds and squeezed him until he could barely breathe. It hurt, but it felt good. Maybe Cas would stay with him for the whole night and he could get some sleep. His precious Impala could be retrieved in the morning by the trenchcoat wearing angel, and Castiel made him feel safe. Made him feel sane.  
"What are you doing, Cas?" Dean gasped when the angel loosened his grip enough for him to speak.  
"I'm saving your life. Stop talking."  
Dean was confused. He understood the part about having his life saved- if he had to deal with any of this much longer, he would put a bullet through his brain. But why now? Why hadn't Cas shown up before his mental state became so bad?  
"Where the hell were you when I-"  
But Dean's words were cut off when the angel grabbed him by the hair and kissed him as roughly as possible. Dean's eyes widened and he wrapped his arms around Castiel's back and pulled him down closer. He needed Castiel's weight against him. He needed Cas to press him into the bed and take over him in every way. In a sense, he wanted to be so close to the other man that he WAS Castiel.  
But as soon as Dean was really getting into it, the angel abruptly removed his lips and sat up, hugging a pillow.  
"Cas-"  
"I said don't talk."  
For a moment, there was silence. But then Castiel spoke.  
"Listen, Dean. I'm not supposed to have gotten close to you at all. But the fact is I've fallen in love with you. And that isn't okay. I'm starting to doubt heaven. I'm starting to doubt myself. I don't know what is right or wrong anymore. I shouldn't be near you right now at all. I should've left you to watch those women on the poles, but as usual I could sense your feelings and I could not let you suffer this burden alone. I know that I bring some amount of comfort to you, so I hope to help. Although…"  
He turned to face Dean. "Although I'm probably only hurting you more by trying to help. I cannot be there for you every time. I wish there was a way that you could handle this by yourself, but you are like the legend of Atlas. You are carrying the world on your shoulders all alone, and…"  
Dean looked up into the angel's eyes. "I know what's going on. Cas, don't risk your beliefs because of me."  
"No. You showed me how corrupted the plans of heaven really were. I'm trying to find God, but I'm slowly accepting that he's not around and that he does not care. It's up to you, your brother, and myself to save this wreck you call Earth."  
Castiel sighed and removed his coat, tie, and shoes and began to rub his forehead as if he had a headache.  
"Come to bed with me, Cas. One more night, okay? I'm tired and you don't look so hot yourself. We can sort this out another time."  
"It has to be soon, but I'll agree to this because you need your rest."  
Castiel turned the lights off and slipped into bed under the covers and waited for Dean to remove his shoes and coat.  
Once they were comfortably snuggled together, Dean reached up and began running his fingers through the angel's hair. Castiel closed his eyes in bliss and hugged Dean a little closer. He sighed as Dean's fingers absentmindedly left his hair and trailed down his neck, tracing the largest vein on the side and stroking over his collarbone.  
"I love you, Castiel." Dean murmured. "Okay? I love you."  
The angel opened his eyes again when he felt hot tears soaking the exposed part of his chest where his shirt was slightly unbuttoned.  
"Dean, don't say that. You know that I feel the same for you. But nothing will ever come of it. It cannot."  
He tilted Dean's face up in the darkness and stared into the bright eyes which sparkled with tears. He touched his lips to Dean's again briefly before kissing both of his cheeks, then his eyelids. The tears fell faster and it hurt Castiel so much. It truly did. It felt like he was breaking apart, seeing Dean in all this agony over him and over his own destiny.  
The worst part was that there was nothing he could do.


End file.
